Pulp Secret Report

Ten Lamest Superheroes Ever

Fri, 31 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT

Ask any comic fanboy and they'll tell you that the next best thing to reading comics, is arguing about them. From "Which is Cooler: Batman or Superman?" to "What was the best Spider-Man story arc?" Fans will disagree and debate until exhausted from their mad-hand gesticulations, stop for rest, then repeat. Comic Book Resources has learned this, and thus has asked fans to submit their favorite Marvel and DC characters for their "Top Favorite Marvel and DC Characters" list which they will unveil on Sept. 10.

Instead of conquering the greatness of the comic world, we at Pulp Secret have taken it upon ourselves to focus on the worst of the lot. The annoying, the stupid, the "Cousin Oliver" of comic books, if you will. This list ranges from one-time appearances, to recurring characters that never learned how retarded they were. No one really knows if these characters were created from a drunken haze or from the best intentions, but whatever their origins, on thing is certain: the results are all lame.

10. Dazzler

Real Name: Alison Blaire

First Appearance: Uncanny X-Men #130

Powers: Turns disco beats into light and energy beams

So imagine you woke up one day to find that you were a mutant ... a mutant with superpowers! The world is your oyster! You can do anything! You can rule the world! You can ... turn sound vibrations into light and energy beams ... yeah. Well, there goes that whole "world is your oyster" thing. This is exactly what Alison Blaire must have thought when she awoke to these "powers." A lovechild from the disco era, Alison took the stage name "Dazzler," and prepared to take the music scene by storm with her electrifying disco sound. Too bad this was 1980 and the disco fad was quickly dying.

The X-Men run into mutants in the strangest places, but at a disco concert takes the cake, and that is exactly where they found Dazzler as she was about to fight the Hellfire Club. Why was the Hellfire Club at Studio 54? Don't know. It's bad enough to go out of the house in those X-Costumes, but can you imagine waiting in a line outside of the club in Spandex? I'm sure they just punched there to the front, but still, the X-Men have had so many embarrassing moments that that there could be a whole list on that subject alone.

After Dazzler begrudgingly admitted the death of disco, she tried her hand at other careers such as figure skating, swimming, aerobics instructor. Dazzler eventually was welcomed back into the world of music by turning her "edgy" disco sound into trance/techno ... which I'm guessing is the lesser of the two evils. Dazzler's powers are pretty bad, and to be the product of a brainstorming session during the height of Marvel's disco craze is never the best way to be conceived. She's made out OK, and has ultimately become a staple in the X-Universe, but nonetheless, compared to some other kick-ass mutant powers, Dazzler leaves a little much to be desired.

9. Combo Man

Real Name: Rick Wilder

First Appearance: Combo Man #1

Powers: Combined strength of your favorite Marvel Characters using the powers of Combo snacks!

Cross promotion is rarely a good thing, it usually leads to bad comics, bad characters and just embarrassment all around. All that, and more, fit the description of Combo Man. So this was a comic available to Combo eaters about a boy, Rick, who, after eating a Combo, turns into an amalgamation of Marvel characters from Iron Man to Carnage to Doctor Doom. That seems cool in theory, but it's really not. Not at all. The storyline of the comic goes a little something like this:

"Hoping the guys would quit picking on him if he joined them, Rick got caught up in a plot to steal a copy of the midterm exam from the second workplace of their teacher Professor Boyd, Danmark Laboratories. Once inside, Rick saw members of AIM (Advanced Idea Mechanics) pressuring Boyd to surrender his device for expanding human potential. Boyd tried to explain to them that it was still in the development stage, but that failed to dissuade the men. Rick tried to create a distraction, but he alerted the members of AIM to his presence. Fleeing from them, he ran into the room containing Boyd's potential expansion device, which was in use. The energy bombardment tore open Rick's bookbag, spilling his comic books. Frightened and hungry, Rick ate a Combo™, after which he was transformed into Combo™ Man, and he felt like he had the confidence to do anything."

Ugh. Cross promotion is the worst. I love how you get Carnage's arm, but you get the Hulk's ... hair? Cool? Combo Man was a one-shot, once-in-a-lifetime deal, and thank God for that.

8. Rocket Racer

Real Name: Robert Farrell

First Appearance: Spectacular Spider-Man #104

Powers: Rides a pimped out skateboard. That's it.

Robert Farrell created a skateboard that can go 60 miles per hour, scale walls, etc. ... and because of this little board, Rocket Racer is born. Now Rocket Racer is not the first to gain superhero status by an accessory (ie: Green Lantern), but he is the first to pick such a lame object. I mean, a skateboard is better than, a blender, but I feel Blender Boy would be a better villain than Rocket Racer. I mean who creates a super-skateboard and then is like "I'm gonna take down Spider-Man?" Who has a mind like that? Eventually Rocket Racer turned good, and now is just another vigilante helpin' Spidey clean up the streets.

7. Cypher

Real Name: Doug Ramsey

First Appearance: New Mutants #13

Powers: Can decipher any language.

You know when you go to a Japanese restaurant, and you can't pronounce something, and then your waitress goes over and talks to the other waitress and YOU know they're talking about you, and you think: "If only I spoke Japanese!" Well, if you were Cypher, then that dream would be a reality! Cypher (Doug Ramsey) is a mutant with the power to decipher anything. He's like a walking Rosetta Stone. Any language (including software) is instantly understood. This is one of the worst mutant powers I could think of. Yes, it would be incredibly handy to be able to be able to speak ANY language on Earth, and to know how computers work, and everything, but if you had to choose one mutant power, would you really want to be the Rosetta Stone of the X-Universe? Didn't think so. That's why I feel bad for the guy, not only does he have a stupid power, but then his love for Kitty Pryde was not returned, AND he died. Sounded like a great life. You will be missed Doug Ramsey, but not your mutant power.

6. Stilt Man

Real Name: Wilbur Day

First Appearance: Daredevil #8

Powers: Has long mechanical legs.

Wilbur Day, or Stilt Man, was a scientist who developed a pair of extremely long telescopic legs which helped in various heists across Manhattan. Stilt Man debuted in Daredevil #8 in 1965, but people are still laughing about him to this day. When Daredevil wasn't enough, Day went after Thor, who he attacked in a giant adamantium armor suit, but of course, Stilt Man lost, and the God of Thunder won the battle against the God of Mechanical Legs. When the Superhero Registration Act came around, Stilt Man signed up, and was made a law enforcer, outfitted with a new suit. Unfortunately he came face to face with the Punisher, who shot him point blank and killed him. Only time will tell if another will step up to claim the mantle of Stilt Man, but hopefully for our sakes, Wilbur Day will be able to rest in peace.

5. Bouncing Boy

Real Name: Chuck Taine

First Appearance: Action Comics #276

Powers: Can inflate into a giant ball.

In the 30th century, Chuck Taine drinks a super-plastic formula which he mistakes for soda, thus becoming the incredible Bouncing Boy! Chuck has one power; that is the ability to inflate into a giant ball, bounce around and escape injury. He joins the Legion of Super-Heroes, and in "Superboy" #200, Chuck marries fellow Legionnaire, Duo Damsel and they both leave the Legion for a quieter life out of the spotlight. Bouncing Boy is lame, no question about it, he's kind of like a super-powered Violet from "Willy Wonka." At least he just seems like a nice guy, not some lame villain who put on metallic legs, and tries to rob banks.

4. Matter Eater Lad

Real Name: Tenzil Kem

First Appearance: Adventure Comics #303

Powers: Can eat any solid matter.

One of the original members of the Legion of Super-Heroes, Matter Eater Lad, (Tenzil Kem) has the ability to eat through any solid matter. He hails from the planet Bismoll, where the capital is Pepto (get it?!) Trying to incorporate Tenzil's powers into storylines and battles, the writers usually opted to write him out, thus, him going on to become a senator on his home planet, and leaving the Legion for a number of years. After "Zero Hour," where all of DC got a continuity reboot, he became the Legion's chef, and was not a direct member of the team. Matter Eater Lad has a horrible name, with powers to match, and I can only imagine how happy the team was to see him become their Top Chef and not their bottom feeder of a teammate.

3. Aqualad

Real Name: Garth

First Appearance: Adventure Comics #269

Powers: Aquaman Jr.

So it's pretty much a consensus in the comic world that Aquaman is pretty lame, no getting around it. He can summon sea turtles, and breathe underwater ... but can only survive for a short period of time out of water. These powers are the same that Aqualad possesses, except Aqualad is far lamer because he is a kid sidekick with a perm. Aqualad's relationship with Aquaman became strained over the years as he would go off with the Teen Titans on various missions. Aqualad eventually became known as Tempest, and went onto become the ambassador for Atlantis, and eventually marry Dolphin, who was once a lover of Aquaman. Tempest was presumed dead, but now appears to be alive, yet his current status is unknown.

2. Squirrel Girl

Real Name: Doreen Green

First Appearance: Marvel Super-Heroes Special #8

Powers: Squirrel-like abilities. Can summon squirrels.

Doreen Green is a your average teenage girl who can summon and speak to squirrels. That is her power. Some mutants can control the weather, others can have a squirrel fetch their slippers at night. Doreen, in love with superheroes, eventually goes on to become Squirrel Girl, and earns her place in the Great Lake Avengers. First making her appearance in 1992, she disappeared for more than a decade, until returning with a new costume, and new powers, such as her eyes were able to glow red, and her lips taste like hazelnuts! She also has a giant fuzzy tail, claws and buck teeth like a squirrel. Squirrel Girl also has two sidekicks, Monkey Joe and Tippy-Toe, who are honorary members of the Great Lake Avengers. She had other named squirrels including Slippy Pete, Mr. Freckle and Nutso, though they are sadly now presumed dead. Squirrel Girl will always hold a special place in our hearts, as long as she's only seen every 10 years or so.

1. She-Thing

Real Name: Sharon Ventura

First Appearance: The Thing #27

Powers: Super-human strength. Appearance makes fanboys quiver with fear.

OK, so anyone who looks at Power Girl knows that superheroines are pretty hot. They have the proportions of a Barbie, and can also lift cars over their heads. They are a fanboy's dream.

So, if superheroines are a fanboy's dream, She-Thing is a fanboy's night terror. She-Thing is exactly what the name implies, a female version of The Thing. One might think that they made the female version of the Hulk hot, why not The Thing? No. This girl is literally The Thing with boobs.

Originally, a woman named Sharon Ventura, once a professional wrestler, but when she tried to leave the evil wrestling world, it was Ben Grimm who helped her escape. She joined the FF, but while battling a villain in space, she and Ben were bombarded with those annoying cosmic rays. After a short love affair (insert: shudder), She-Thing left the Fantastic Four, which everyone can agree is a good thing because no one wants to see Thing on Thing action; though she still makes a cameo in the Marvel Universe every now and then, something tells me we won't be seeing her in "Fantastic Four 3" anytime soon.

Still BLEEPING! Awesome

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 23:10:42 EDT

Spoiler Hack/ Slash #4 Hack/Slash is up to issue #4, and I have loved every single one. It is so smartly written and so funny. I also enjoy the way they do twists on most of their reveals. Alex mentioned the example instead of will Cassie making it out alive? The different, fun cliffhanger is will Vlad get laid?

They revealed whether Vlad got laid in a smart, funny way — without showing cartoon porn, which I talked about before as being a little weird. Anyway, is anyone not liking this book? I remember loving to hate Slasher films. I loved watching them, but I would always lose sleep.

Who is the scariest Slasher? I don’t know if I would say Freddy is, but I do love to sleep, so that would be a problem.

Countdown to Event Fatigue

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 19:27:19 EDT

Is anyone experiencing deja vu these days? Think back to the mid-'90s when fans became sick of all the "event" comics, threw up their hands and left the comic shops in droves. It seemed as if everything was a "special issue" with a variant chromium cover. The publishers had pushed the readers too far with all their "mega events," and empty promises that began with "an event that will change the comics world forever ... ."

It seems that the people over at Newsarama have caught onto the parallels between now, and the '90s, and are making it the center of discussion with this month's Talking Shop called "Event Fatigue."

"Bill Mitchel, vice president of purchasing for Atomic Comics in Phoenix, Ariz., said his customers are still giving event-type comics a try, but they've become impatient if the story doesn't deliver. 'Customers are really being selective about what events they follow, and if the story fails to deliver rather quickly, the sales begin to decline in a short amount of time,' he said. 'It's got to be more then hype, more then the same old 'this will change everything' slogan. And you see the quality events are pulling in the numbers while those that fail to excite are falling down the charts.'" What is even more worrying now than 10 years ago was that back then, the events only happened about once a year with Onslaught and "Age of Apocalypse," but now the events are running into one another with Infinite Crisis, 52, and now Countdown. It seems that every comic these days is a crossover, and you have to buy this month's "New Avengers" to understand next week's "Captain America," which is a great move if you're trying to sell more issues of every title, but it is doubtful that fans will buy it for long.

"'Overall, based on the weekly comic-book buyers at our store, they might say they're sick of events, but still they will come in every week and look for that event comic and all of its tie-in comics. While they might complain, they still continue to buy — for now,' said Lisa Lopacinski, co-owner of Neptune Comics in Waukesha, Wis."

"For now" are two words that worry me, hoping that another comic depression isn't just around the corner. Let's just pray that the words "chromium cover" are never again uttered in a comic shop.

"Big"+ Superman= "Shazam?"

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 17:00:30 EDT

John August, the man who wrote "Big Fish," and "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" is also writing the "Shazam!" movie, and the MTV Movie Blog caught up with him to talk about it.

"A comic-book film which centers on an unlikely hero, 'Shazam' is 'very different' from all 'the other flying people in tights movies,' insisted August. 'It's not Spider-Man plus jokes. There's really good comic potential there,' he asserted, revealing that his film — an origin story — owes as much to 'Big' as it does to 'Superman.'"

After Jeff Smith's recent "Shazam" mini-series showcasing the comic possibilities of Captain Marvel, I could see how, if played right, this could be a superhero movie with the right mix of humor and action. August, has always been known for his comedic writing, but it is in his first movie "Go," that he proved he could mix the perfect amount of comedy and action, while still being true to the characters in the film.

He also says how he's turning the script in "tomorrow," and how the interview with MTV was actually keeping him from putting on some finishing touches. With the script being turned in within days, and fast-track movies being all the rage these days (e.g.: the JLA movie), perhaps we could see Billy Batson at the multiplex sooner than expected.

20 Reasons to Wear Spandex

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 16:00:18 EDT

RetroCrush has written their list of The 20 Coolest Superhero Costumes. It's a pretty good list with everyone from Space Ghost to Golden Age Sandman included. You might notice the absence of females, and that is due to the fact that they are compiling a separate list of female costumes. I would have to say my favorite part of the list is when the author recounts when he dressed up as Spider-Man for career day in high school:

"True embarrassing confession time. When I was a high school junior at Arroyo High School in San Lorenzo, they had a career dress-up day. You were supposed to come to school dressed in your ideal career. I decided to come to school dressed as Spider-Man. Of course, this wasn't a store-bought costume, but one I made myself. It was horrible, and I can't believe nobody beat me up. The sketch I drew above pretty much tells you the story about how horrible it looked. In order to achieve the "white eye" effect, I used an innovative approach of sliding index cards under the mask, allowing about 1/32" of space in the inside corner of each eye to see out of. How on earth did I even survive high school, anyway?"

Pretty funny, and I wish they had career day in my high school so I could've went as a superhero, but unlike him, I probably would've gotten my ass kicked. I like how they include all sorts of different superheroes, and not just the usual Marvel and DC suspects. I'm excited to see who they pick for their upcoming Coolest Female Costumes list, and maybe there'll be even more embarrassing high-school stories to boot!

Another "Dark Knight" Leaked Scene

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:00:00 EDT

As usual, minor spoilers involved ... pretty minor this time, so don't worry too much about learning anything you didn't want to learn. If you "have to go in fresh" to the movie, turn away now.

This is by far the coolest "Dark Knight" scene I've yet seen leaked, because we actually get to see something blown up! Fox Chicago posted this video of a former candy factory getting blown up for what is undoubtedly a climax scene in the film.

The building, in the film, will apparently be portraying Gotham Hospital. I think it's fair to suspect the Joker blows it up. Perhaps that is how Freeman's character dies in the film (remember the image of the coffin with Freeman's picture on top from a couple days back?)

There have been a lot (as in, hundreds) of boring shots cropping up from the DK set lately, so it's nice to see something substantial (or at least flashy) like this come out.

Life in the "Afterworld"

Wed, 29 Aug 2007 18:00:21 EDT

MySpace TV has started showing installments of a series called "Afterworld," which is about a man who awakes to find 99.9 percent of the population gone, and technology dead. "Afterworld" has a "Y: The Last Man" vibe to it and should appeal to comic fans, because in reality, it really is a series of various photographs used as panels.

"This is not Disney animation, to be sure, but neither is it "South Park." It's more like a strange series of digitally manipulated photographs. And that's where it all clicks: 'Afterworld' is a comic book. It has a far-fetched story, frankly clichéd speech, a solitary hero, Marvel-style foreshortening and images that hardly move. 'Afterworld' is the work of authors who think in panels."

The series will have 130 installments, and right now, 13 are up on the site. I am interested to see where this series goes, and now that "Y" is ending, it should be enough to keep post-apocalyptic comic fans busy.

Batman's Hung!

Wed, 29 Aug 2007 17:11:06 EDT

This is a shot taken from the set of "The Dark Knight," and it looks as though it's the Gotham Witch Trials and Batman's been hanged! This plot point was leaked a little bit ago, so I guess we'll have to wait until next summer to find out what this is all about.

Italy Invents Spidersuit, Geeks Drool

Wed, 29 Aug 2007 14:42:05 EDT

Scientists in Italy (more specifically, at the Polytechnic of Turin) might have just found the invention that will make all geeks everywhere explode in an ecstatic outburst of sheer joy. Italian scientists, you are now my favorite people on Earth. What could be that great, you wonder? How about a suit that mimics Spider-Man's wall-crawling powers? That's right people. Wall. Crawling. Action.

Now, let's not get too carried away. The suit is still on the drawing board. It is, however, based on the "natural tech" of lizards and spiders that allows them to cling to walls. The secret? Carbon nanotubes. If that doesn't sound like a product of Reed Richards' lab, I don't know what does (but are they made out of unstable molecules?)

"Shaped like miniature hooks and loops that function in the same way as Velcro, these mimic the billions of hairs on the foot of a gecko, which allow the creature to scuttle effortlessly up walls," writes David Derbyshire of the Daily Mail.

As a kid, I looked forward to the new millennium full of jet packs and flying cars, and am sorely disappointed in the still-mundane advances of personal technology today. But this ... this could be just as good, if not better. True, if this thing ever even gets past the prototype stages it would surely cost a ridiculous amount, but still, it's fun to dream.

"It may not be long before we are seeing people climbing the Empire State Building with nothing but sticky shoes and gloves to support them," said research leader Professor Nicola Pugno.

Now all they need to do is invent a web-shooter, and my childhood fantasies will be nearly complete.

Heroes DVD Release Chat

Wed, 29 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT

From my IM this morning:

hllowcouch: First season of Heroes is out on DVD today...
hllowcouch: Are you on line yet?
az3456: Yes i am...
az3456: I'm live blogging the Heroes DVD launch!
az3456: Kidding. I have no idea how I would even do that.
hllowcouch: Well you should be.
az3456: You're right.
az3456: I'm sorry.
hllowcouch: Rectify this situation
az3456: The "me not live-blogging Heroes" situation?
hllowcouch: Indeed.
az3456: Hey, here's something interesting:
az3456: It's very easy to accidentally type a "p" instead of an "o" in heroes, which makes an ENTIRELY different word...
az3456: ...and makes the above sentence very, very different.
hllowcouch: I mean...
hllowcouch: ...once you've got it, you're kind of always live blogging it.

The Herpes Season 1 DVD is out in stores today!

"Punisher 2" Gets Title, Actually Exists

Wed, 29 Aug 2007 10:32:25 EDT

I'm kind of flabbergasted that we're hearing any news whatsoever on a "Punisher 2." Nobody saw the first movie, and those who did reported that it wasn't particularly good ... Except for Pete, who saw it three times in the theater.

I can safely report that, having turned on the movie about 45 minutes in on TV, Frank Castle had yet to have his family killed, had not donned a skull T-shirt, and was certainly not the Punisher. In fact, he was having a nice dinner in Miami. WTF, it's not as if the Punisher's origin is so complicated that you need MORE THAN 45 MINUTES TO SET IT UP.

Anyway.

Regardless of my general annoyance, "Punisher 2" is moving forward, and according to IGN, just got a very familiar title:

"The Punisher: War Zone"

I assume that "War Journal" sounded too girlie? I don't know. Other details on the movie, which we've touched on before in this very blog:

Thomas Jane is out, "Rome's" excellent Ray Stevenson is in.
Lexi Alexander is the director. She's previously directed "Green Street Holligans," which is supposed to be pretty gritty and intense (anybody want to back that up?). She's also a former World Karate and Kick-boxing Champion, so I assume she'll be stunt doubling for Frank Castle.
The movie is filming in Montreal, which is mildly closer to NYC than Miami.
"Punisher 2" is written by Nick Santora, Kurt Sutter, Matt Holloway and Art Marcum, because it takes four people to write the direction "the Punisher blows away some thugs, with his guns this time."

"The Punisher: War Zone" hits theaters in 2008, and Blockbuster very, very soon after that.

Diamond Dumps Valiant

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 14:00:00 EDT

It is always a shame when intellectual-property law interferes with fans and their favorite comics. Old-school Valiant fans have narrowly dodged that bullet, with Newsarama reporting that the highly anticipated "Harbinger" hard-cover edition has been dumped by Diamond Comics Distributors. The decision is due to the intellectual-property debate that has been ongoing between two companies that are claiming the rights and the understandable position of Diamond, not wanting to be caught in the middle (or in an actionable position).

Luckily, the compilation book (which includes Harbinger #0-7 as well as a new Harada origin story written by Jim Shooter) will be available for direct order from Valiant Entertainment. The book is also available on Amazon.com for order.

Not so luckily, this exemplifies the long, legal battle ahead for this brilliant comic universe and shows fans that any new stories with these beloved characters are a long, long way off. It will undoubtedly take years of litigation to clean up the mess that was created by the bankruptcy auction and that is bad news for anyone hoping to see a return of X-O, Solar, Harbinger, Rai or any of the other Valiant characters in fresh action.

Valiant Entertainment's press release, in full text:

"After careful review and discussion, Diamond Comics and Valiant Entertainment mutually agreed that Harbinger: The Beginning will be distributed via the 'Valiant Retailer Direct' program and not through Diamond Comics Distributors. The Valiant Retailer Direct program ensures that Valiant readers receive Harbinger: The Beginning within a few days of its scheduled release date, while removing the unnecessary burden on a third-party distributor until a current legal dispute is resolved and giving Valiant Entertainment the opportunity to form relationships directly with valuable retail customers," said Walter Black, senior vice president amd publisher of Valiant Entertainment.

Marvel Eats Your Brain

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 13:00:00 EDT

Depending on your perspective (and quite possibly your view on comic-universe continuity) you either loved or hated the Marvel Zombies story arcs — except for people who don't read Marvel and didn't care, but even then, there was probably an opinion in their brains as to whether it was an awesome or stupid idea. This Halloween, Marvel is going to give everyone a reason to praise or hate on the concept further with a slew of new and old zombie-related titles.

The major announcement made by Marvel is that some normal titles will have zombie variant covers this October. Marvel is being very secretive about these covers, asserting that none will be seen anywhere until they are on store shelves. The only sparse information Marvel is giving about the art is that it is done by the industry's "top artists."

Also of note is that Marvel will be re-firing the crossover engines to release a Marvel Zombies 2 miniseries. In a typical Marvel move of overkilling any crossover idea that works and sells well (see the "Infinity" nonsense of the '90s for the best example) the series will incorporate a "civil war" element with the zombies coming to Earth and taking sides against one another. See what they did there? They took their best, two selling story arcs of the past few years and mashed them together. Oh, Marvel, you just never run out of ideas.

If that wasn't enough zombie madness for you, there's also going to be hard-cover reprints of the Marvel Zombies 1 (the fifth reprint, with a new zombie Mary Jane cover no less).

Marvel Zombies: The Covers, and Marvel Zombies/Army of Darkness collections coming to stores in October. More superhero zombiness than you can shake a rotting, disembodied arm at.

Geek Day in New York!

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 12:30:00 EDT

Calling all nerds! Today is the day to get your geek on! This afternoon, Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale are signing at Midtown Comics (the first 200 get a free mini comic featuring our favorite Hiro!) and speaking of the "Heroes" cast, some of them are signing at the NBC Experience Store tonight at Rockefeller Center! The Loeb/Sale signing is from 4 to 6 p.m., so after that, you should run over to the NBC store and get your brand new "Heroes" DVD signed by Sylar and some of the other cast members. So what are you waiting for? Go get in line!

Who Wears the Watchmen?

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 12:00:31 EDT

One of my favorite sites for uber-cool tees, Threadless, has a new T-shirt design featuring the Watchmen ... and guess what, they're wrist watches! Get it?! The deal with this site is that you vote if you like the tee, and the more votes it gets, the more likely it will get printed! So hurry up and vote so we can wear Nite Owl! It is more likely than not that comic T-shirts can be LAME, but I feel Threadless is doin' a bang up job with consistently pumpin' out cool superhero T-shirts.

Joust Another Comic Book

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT

Film Exec. No. 1: Hey, you know what would make a good film? Asteroids. You could have a guy in a spaceship, and he blows up asteroids, and ... it writes itself.

Film Exec. No. 2: Rights are taken. How about Joust?

Film Exec. No. 1: Joust ... that's the one with a guy on an ostrich who jousts, right?

Film Exec. No. 2: Yup.

Film Exec. No. 1: Sold!

At least, I assume that's how the conversation happened when they decided to turn classic arcade-game Joust into a movie. I'm going to pick out a few choice bits from the article announcing it, as it seems as if it was written by a bunch of fake movie execs:

"Joust is an arcade game that's as old as Pac-Man and has global awareness," said Cerenzie. "We took one element of the game and the brand itself and built a whole new world around it for the film."

That's like me taking one element of my air conditioner and writing a movie called "Ice World."

Cerenzie calls the new script by Marc Gottlieb "Gladiator meets Mad Max." The film is set 25 years in the future and includes a Las Vegas suspended in mid-air.

In 25 years, Las Vegas WILL be suspended in mid-air. So it's speculative fiction then?

"We've updated the game into a commercial, tent pole movie," said Cerenzie. "Marc has done an amazing job in creating a tantalizing and filmic world based on the original game."

Oh, cool. Nothing gets my joy juices flowing more than the words "commercial" and "tent-pole movie."

"This film is the type of action-packed story that appeals to all four quadrants of the movie-going public and we are excited to be in the Midway Games business once again," said Peters.

I'm really at a loss as to what the four quadrants are ... or how a movie based on a video game from the 1980s is going to appeal to everybody in the entire world.

"You need these kids to come in on Friday with a film's opening today because they're texting their friends right after the movie and you no longer have until Sunday," said Cerenzie.

All this sentence needed was the phrases "viral video" and "social networking," and I would have thrown out my computer.

In any case, Pulp Secret, you might be wondering how this connects to comic books. Here's how:

The plan is to launch the new Joust franchise with a graphic novel, which is being penned by Steven Elliot Altman of DC Comics and Dark Horse Comics, and will be based on Gottlieb's screenplay. The film has been given the fast track by CP Productions and should be wrapped by June 2008. Several A-list directors are already interested in helming this sci-fi/action project.

So ... the way they're going to appeal to all four quadrants is by starting out with a graphic novel. Interesting.

Actually, all snark aside, it is interesting that we're at a place where releasing a graphic novel lends some sort of legitimacy to a project like this. That's all the non-snark I've got, though.

Always leave them on a joke, Zalben. Always leave them on a joke.

Top 50 Favorite Characters

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 11:00:00 EDT

Comics Should Be Good over at Comic Book Resources is putting together a list of the 100 Favorite Marvel and DC Characters, and guess what lucky readers, you get to pick the favorites!

Just as they did with last year's 100 Artists and Writers list, CBR is now letting the fans pick their favorite superheroes by e-mailing their top 10 choices to bcronin@comicbookresources.com until 11:59 pm on Sept. 9. The countdown will begin Sept. 10 and will showcase the Top 50 Marvel Characters and the Top 50 DC Characters. There are a few rules, which they state below:

"NOTE: The following groups count as one character (I’ll add more as it becomes appropriate):

Female Furies
Metal Men
Inferior Five
Warriors Three
Moon Boy and Devil Dinosaur
Legion of Substitute Heroes
Red Ghost and the Super-Apes
We3

The following groups do not count as one character:
X-Statix — Too many great, distinct characters
Power Company
Thunderbolts
GLA/GLX/GLI

Regarding Legion of Superheroes characters, please specify which version you mean (pre-Zero Hour, post-Zero Hour, current series).

And for characters like Hank Pym and/or Robbie Baldwin, vote for whichever costumed identity you would like (just one per character, though, so no Speedball AND Penance), but I'll be combining the votes at the end (so a vote for Penance is the same as a vote for Speedball)."

I think this will be an interesting list, especially with the fans picking the winners, and I don't know about you but all 10 of my choices are going to read one thing: AQUALAD.

This is a Heroes Fan Blog, Right?

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 10:02:12 EDT

I mean, I'm pretty sure it is, as we post news about Heroes almost every friggin' day. I guess I can't get upset about it if I'm the one posting the news, right?

In any event, Wizard posted up a sort of text-only DVD commentary for Season One. While I will take issue with them referring to the first season of "Heroes" as "perfection," I won't take issue with their extensive run-down of how certain scenes of the show were filmed, which are fascinating little looks behind the curtain. For example, here's Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale talking about how Tim ended up being Isaac Mendez's ghost-artist:

LOEB: [Kring] called and asked whether or not there was an artist who could do the things he required, which was someone who could work quickly and who could draw on a large canvas and work in various mediums — pencil, ink, paint. There really was only one choice, and that was Tim [Sale]. So that was sort of my first real contribution, finding Timmy, and putting the two Tims together. The world will never be the same.

SALE: I'd never been asked to do anything like this before and thought it was exciting. I remember telling Jeph it'd make a cool comic, and depending on how that was set up, it could be something I'd really like to draw. It reminded me a lot of his scripts with some of the dialogue.

And lo', they did make it into a comic, and it was to be released by DC in the Fall. Praise "Heroes!"

In particular, be sure to check out the story of Peter's first flight, and Hayden Planetarium talking about the famous "Save the Cheerleader" painting:

"I remember having to hit the perfect turn for this pose that [Tim Sale] had me in, which was not the most comfortable thing."

Check out the rest of the article here.

Superman Returns ... With a Better Movie

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 10:00:00 EDT

It's funny how the comic book/movie rumor mill works. Two weeks ago, it was a streaming flood of Marvel news, one piece of news after another, day after day. This week has decidedly been a D.C. week, with no signs of stopping today with a new "rumor" regarding the anticipated return of Singer behind the camera of "Superman."

Film Ick is reporting this is more than a rumor, citing that this comes from reliable inside sources, and given their track record, I believe them. From the sound of it, the script and pitch for "Superman" is so good that it won't get pre-empted or ignored in favor of "JLA," which is good news. Spoilers abound from here on out, so beware.

The whispers from Superman fans that I have been hearing since the first movie seem to be answered, as it sounds as if Brainiac will accompany Lex Luthor as the token villains in the film. My personal knock on the first movie was that it wasn't big enough ... Luthor versus Superman isn't inherently exciting. A Superman movie needs super-powered villains to be truly compelling, so this is an improvement over the plot of the first immediately.

Spoiler No. 2: Jason dies. Thank God. Singer got some sense and wrote that embarrasing plot point out of the movies. No one needs to see a Superboy subplot; it was trite, cloying and unnecessary, so now we have two immediate improvements over the tepid plot of the first movie.

This sounds to be exactly what fans wanted in the film in the first place. The first film had the right feel, the right aesthetics, the right cast but the wrong plot. There was too little action ... scenes of "Superman being Superman" were far too few and far between, and the pace of the movie was far too slow. Looks like these concerns have been addressed by Singer and looks like he's back on the right track, and thankfully the execs agree. Finally, I can get excited about this project.

What is your pull?

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 23:11:27 EDT

So, Hack/Slash is coming out! So, what will happen with Amazon's Attack? Does anyone care? I will probably check out Batman Annual #26.

Mice Templar #1 and Brit #1 come out. I will be interested to see how they are.

Gene Simmons Dominatrix #1 comes out and should suck, but I will give it a look at the store.

Note to people who buy comics at the store: DON'T read comics right in front of the new-release rack. STEP away and read. Don't block the comics while you read and then look at me as if I am a dick, because I am just trying to reach a comic on the rack.

Thanks, venting over. What comics are you looking forward to? Or what is your pet peeve when it comes to comic-book stores?

Another Year in "Smallville"

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 14:00:00 EDT

In the spirit of keeping a very D.C. week of news going, let's talk about the upcoming seventh season of Smallville. IF Magazine recently interviewed producer Al Gough to get some interesting information regarding the show and what to expect while watching this season.

The real Supergirl shows up this season, not the "ruse" Supergirl from season three. Additionally, the original actress that played Supergirl in the (terrible) '80s movies will now be playing Kara's aunt ... which would be Superman's mom? I'm confused ... In other casting revelations, Dean Cain will also be joining the show to play a villain known as Dr. Knox.

Perhaps most excitingly, Gough revealed that Martian Manhunter will be a part of the plot. Gough also stated the writing will walk a line between "finding out more about him" and keeping him mysterious and enigmatic ... not exactly the easiest dynamic to pull off. Also making appearances are Green Arrow and an undisclosed, "new" JLA member that hasn't yet appeared on the show. Reader guesswork time: Who will the new JLA member to appear be?

Coloring With Steve Hamaker

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 13:30:00 EDT

Steve Hamaker, the colorist who is doing an AMAZING job with the "Bone" coloring, has posted a tutorial on his techniques on his Web site. This will be the first in a series of videos exploring his different methods for his various coloring jobs such as "Bone," "Shazam!" and "Flight." I love his coloring, and I think this is a first where you get to see behind the scenes of someone coloring. Well done, Steve!

JLA Movie Rumors Continue ...

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 13:00:00 EDT

This week has been absolutely abuzz with D.C. comic-movie news, and today is no different. Following up on the JLA mo-cap/CGI story from earlier this week, IESB has done a little more digging on the situation and is now reporting that JLA will be a mix of CGI and live action, with the CGI being used to render the OMACS and the underwater scenes. Good news for those fans who were terrified of the prospects of a wholly CGI movie.

Also reported today is that Routh and Bale will not play Superman and Batman in the JLA movie. The role of JLA Superman has been offered to Tom Welling of "Smallville" fame. No word yet on whether Welling has accepted the role, nor whether the Batman role has yet been recast. I have a feeling that both questions are going to be answered in the next couple weeks.

Spider-Leg Tattoo

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT

If I were this kid, I would tattoo spidey-sense lines on my face. I'm not this kid, though:

Via Warren Ellis.

Shia LeBeouf, Last Man on Earth?

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT

The film adaptation of "Y the Last Man" seems to be picking up some steam this week, with director D.J. Caruso sitting down to an interview with MTV to report on the future of the movie. Notably, he spoke on the format of the movie, indicating that the film would focus it's entire length and breadth on the first 12 issues of the long-running series. Also noted is that Caruso is interested in Shia LeBeouf in the role of Y, and that Shia is interested in the role.

"This is funny, but unbeknownst to me: Shia was already chasing this part prior to anything," Caruso said. "I haven't talked to him yet about it, because he's off shooting 'Indiana Jones 4,' but Shia is the right type and the right personality because you want to have the humor, but you also want to have the seriousness. So we'll talk about it when we get there."

This could be an interesting movie adaptation, but not exactly the type of story that I expect to see go very mainstream. Perhaps fans will be interested in the treatment, but I can't really see this story being a breakthrough hit the way traditional superhero movies sometimes do.

Hulk Tour '07, Destination: Toronto

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 11:00:00 EDT

A bit of news regarding the new "Hulk" movie has surfaced that will be of great interest to our friends who live in or near Toronto. If the word on the street is correct, anyone near that city next month could have a chance to go and watch a piece of the film get shot. I'm not talking about any mundane, run-of-the-mill dialogue scene either. I'm talking about a fight scene. Small spoiler (that probably everyone expects) in the next paragraph.

The fight scene in question is a fight scene between the Hulk and the Abomination, no less. The news comes (apparently) via a set insider who reports that between Sept. 17 and Sept. 19, the crew will be shooting the scene on Younge Street between College and Dundas, which will be fashioned to look like New York. I'm not sure exactly how much action will be seen at the set, as I'm not sure how much of the action will be live action and how much will just be placeholders to be animated over later, but either way it's the sort of thing I would flock to were I in the area.

Speed Racer to Be Literal Live-Action Cartoon

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 10:20:12 EDT

Call it the anti-bullet time ... though I personally have no emotional connection to Speed Racer, a LOT of comic fans do have one, so this news might give you a little joy heart attack. Talking to Susan Sarandon at the "In The Valley of Elah" junket, Collider found out this little nugget:

"They’re using some high def [camera] that comes with guards and it's beyond anything I’ve ever … I saw 10 minutes before I left, they did a special thing for me cause they're just wrapping and having a party tonight; they were still working after I left. They're doing something where they're layering film so that the front and the back are in focus like a cartoon and they're also doing two-dimensional and three-dimensional stuff and mixing, and everything is very, very saturated with some new kind of film, so they actually have to treat the actors in some way so we can hold our own with the background. So it's every color that wasn't in The Matrix is seriously in this film."

Hey, you guys remember the "Hulk" movie? And how Ang Lee made that a live-action comic book? How about "Batman and Robin," and how Joel Schumacher wanted to make a live-action cartoon? Those were really good, right? And so were the "Matrix" sequels, right?

This is looking like a winner.

[All sarcasm aside, I AM very interested to see how this turns out ... though the idea of adapting something from cartoon to live action, just to essentially turn it back into a cartoon, sounds counter-productive. If there's one thing the Wachowski's know how to do, it's create innovative visual styles that push the boundaries of what film can do.]

"Spectacular Spider-Man" Teasers

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 10:00:00 EDT

Marvel has posted a trailer for the upcoming "Spectacular Spider-Man" animated series, which will premier on the WB in 2008. I love the old-school webbing under the arms look, it's a very nice touch to the aesthetic. Certainly a show for the younger audiences, but it certainly couldn't insult older Spidey fans any more than the dancing scene in "Spider-Man 3" already did.

Comics Continuum is also reporting that Venom will (not surprisingly) be a villain in the series, but won't appear until the "late stages." It's pretty obvious that they would use the most popular Spider-Man villain ever, but even more obvious from the tease at the end of the preview. Also obvious from the trailer are the other usual suspects in a Spider-Man treatment: Doc Oc and Green Goblin.

The art style looks a little plain, but the animation is nice and the writing and voicing don't seem too horrible; could make for an interesting watch just for the fight scenes for older fans, while kids will undoubtedly devour this one whole.

Desperate Times Call For Desperate Spider-Man

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 08:37:42 EDT

Man, the latest story arc of Spider-Man has been crazy fun. Spidey is barely holding it together. I disagree with Justin, and I don't think this issue is a filler issue. Yes, there are some parts that could have not made it to print. But still, this is becoming really intense. Spider-Man is acting shady and putting people in Jeopardy. I am very excited to see how things unfold. How many people think Aunt May will die? Will Spider-Man then kill the Kingpin?

Must LOVE Sam Kieth

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 08:34:58 EDT

OK, so I loved The Maxx! I've forgotten how goofy some of Sam Kieth's drawings are. Don't get me wrong, I love the coloring and a lot of the art. But, some of the panels are a little too cartoonish. I was really excited for this book. But, when I read it, I was a little disappointed as well. It is as if the panels flip flop from being serious and dark to silly and light-hearted. For some reason, that never bothers me as much. Thoughts on Batman/Lobo #1? I am a little worried about the story as well. As long as Batman doesn't wake up in a greenhouse and wonder if any of this all really happened, I will be fine.

Black Summer, more dark than black

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 08:32:20 EDT

Not that many black people in Black Summer; still some serious butt-kicking. So far, nothing has lived up to the No. 0 issue of Black Summer! And I hate No. 0 issues! Anyway, this issue is really cool and well drawn. It reminds me a little of the old-school G.I. Joe cartoons, because the bad guys are such horrible shoos. We are still catching up on a lot of back story, but so far, I am hooked. They way they turn into superheroes is as if they are almost organic Transformers. I really like how the explosions are drawn in this comic.

Miller Scores Another Bombshell

Sun, 26 Aug 2007 14:00:00 EDT

Frank Miller apparently gets the ladies. One week after the announcement of Scarlett Johansson to the cast of "The Spirit," comes news of another curvaceous actress to the troupe, that of bombshell Eva Mendes (marking her second comic-book film role, the first being in "Ghost Rider.") Not a bad one-two punch of femininity to put on screen, by any measure.

Mendes will play the Spirit's love interest, Sand Serif. From the sounds of it, casting is set and the crew is projected to begin filming in October. At least one of Miller's current projects isn't being delayed by silly studio politics, and hopefully, when the production of this film is done, whatever red tape is holding up the production of "Sin City 2" will be gone.

"Mercenaries" Transition to Print

Sun, 26 Aug 2007 11:00:00 EDT

In a world where seemingly every popular comic book and video game characters end up being adapted to film, and many comics get adapted to video games, it is rather surprising that more video games don't get adapted to comics. It happens, but not nearly as often as the other crossovers do. Lucasarts' Mercenaries video-game franchise is ready to make the leap, however.

It isn't exactly the most obvious property in the world of video games to make the leap, as it has a rather generic game world. A game world of ... well ... lots of mercenaries doing the things that (a very multinational cast of) mercenaries do, in a near-future setting. Still, the property could have legs in the right hands, and will probably have great appeal to fans of books and characters like "Punisher."

The book will debut in October on the Dynamite imprint, and will have a wrap-around cover drawn by Michael Turner.

Have a Little "Faith" in Vaughan

Sat, 25 Aug 2007 12:00:23 EDT

Newsarama caught up with Brian K. Vaughan and talked to him about his upcoming arc on the "Buffy: Season Eight" comic. They talk about "Y" ending in a few months, and how Whedon has now taken over the reins on "Runaways," and Vaughan will now be behind the helm of "Buffy" for the next six issues featuring everyone's favorite bad slayer, Faith.

I think the whole Faith the Slayer Slayer is a great storyline, and a great direction to take the character, almost like a Black Ops unit of the Slayers. When asked about who approached who about doing writing for the "Buffy" comic, Vaughan talks about how he and Whedon first met one another:

"A few years ago, before I moved to Los Angeles to work on "Lost" and adaptations of some of my comics, Joss invited me to write the screenplay for one of a few planned direct-to-DVD movies set in the Buffyverse. Sadly, those flicks eventually fell through, but getting to have dinner and break stories with Joss and Tim Minear and Drew Goddard was one of the best experiences of my life, one that helped inspire me to become the Hollywood sellout I am today. It’s also where I pitched an idea for a Faith story that everyone seemed to dig, and which Whedon asked if I wanted to resurrect for the Season Eight comic. Since Joss was kind enough to adopt my kids after I cruelly abandoned "Runaways," I was more than happy to babysit the Scoobs for a few issues"

I wish these DVD movies had happened, I will read anything by Vaughan, even more so if it's set in the Buffyverse. Hopefully with Buffy getting a second life these days with the comics, the movies aren't entirely out of the question. Check out Newsarama for the interview and some preview pages of the eagerly awaited issue!

"You Killed My Paarrreeennntttsss ... "

Sat, 25 Aug 2007 10:41:32 EDT

A man who goes by the name Goldentusk has taken it upon himself to sing the classic "Batman" theme song from the 1989 movie and animated series, and put words to it. In this new version of the "Batman" theme, you will learn the history of Bruce Wayne, and how he dons the batsuit, all within four minutes.

It's actually really clever, and reminds me of Bill Murray putting lyrics to the "Star Wars" theme on "Saturday Night Live." Goldentusk, whoever he is, also does the Superman theme, which is just as good, but my favorite still remains "Batman." My favorite part is the four-part harmony of "You killed my parents," at the beginning, but you be the judge.

Do You Read?

Fri, 24 Aug 2007 16:00:00 EDT

According to a recent poll printed on MSNBC.com, only one in four adults in America read a book last year.

I read that fact, and then thought "I read all the time. I read comics every week." Then I paused for a second, and wondered whether, in fact, reading comics counted as reading, at least the way they're talking about it in the poll.

Presumably, the idea of the poll was to find out how literate Americans are. According to the article:

One in four adults read no books at all in the past year, according to an Associated Press-Ipsos poll released Tuesday. Of those who did read, women and older people were most avid, and religious works and popular fiction were the top choices.

Personally, I also read novels/non-fiction pretty frequently, but what about comics or OGNs. Do they count as reading? They certainly have less words than a novel, unless you're reading a Claremont title (oh, snap!).

But do they count? When you're reading a comic book, do you feel like you're reading disposable entertainment, or do you think you're getting some amount of literacy, language enjoyment, etc., out of the process? Do you feel as if you're absorbing and learning something, stretching your brain in some way?

I would say for the most part, no, especially if you're only reading mainstream superhero books. That doesn't mean across the board you're not getting anything out of them; the best comic-book writers, regardless of their genre, are still good writers. You can get something out of a good story no matter what the medium.

And that, in essence is why I think this poll is a flawed. The assumption is that "books = good and other entertainment = bad." And that's not correct, at all.

I actually felt dumber after reading The Da Vinci Code, one of the most awfully constructed pieces of trash I've experienced in my entire life. Yet I'm sure a large chunk of those polled who had read a book in the past year, only read the Da Vinci Code, or some equally execrable novel. Wouldn't it be infinitely better if the guy who read the latest Danielle Steele novel had, instead, not read that book, and spent the time watching, say, Little Children, which was a deliberately constructed movie designed to provoke conversation; or had rented the first season of The Wire, one of the most complex shows on TV; or, dare I say, spent one-third of the time, and read Fun Home, probably the most literate OGN released in the past two years?

All of those pursuits would have taken far less time than reading Tom Clancy's Masked Squadron Presents Red Dawn Rising, but the assumption is that because there are more pages, and more words, you're getting more out of a book.

The other assumption is that people who read books will read more books, and though that was once true, I think the logic is now somewhat flawed. Kids who read books will read more books, because they have easy access to a library, and everything is new to them. Adults who read books will read the same kinds of books they always read. Unless they are already literate, walking into your national chain store and picking up the latest bestseller is an exercise in sameness.

This is why (and here's where it comes full circle) comic book fans have a better chance to become literate than most book fans, at least in America. The comic-book store has not been supplanted by the huge chain store and is run essentially by high school students who are just collecting a paycheck. Comic-book stores are run by comic-book fans who, for the most part, love comic books, and want their customers to read more comic books. Every comic-book store I've been in, there's an effort to chat with you at the counter, draw you in and make a little comment on what you're buying. Additionally, comics are like crack. You buy one, and you'll be back again, curious to buy things that are like that thing ("Well, I liked Box Office Poison, what else is like that?"). And how do you find that out? By asking the clerks at the store.

I don't think there's any clerk out there that's going to steer you wrong ("Oh, you like Box Office Poison? You should really buy Aquaman, we need to clean our shelves, I MEAN, it's really popular"), it's just not in their best interests to recommend something just to move product. Over and over, I've heard someone ask for recommendations, then get 14 or 15 different suggestions of VERY different books from the clerk. Even if the customer buys just one of those books, it'll open up a whole new world for them. And that will lead to more exploration, more excitement, and dare I say, more literacy.

Is everything good? No. But given that comic book stores are still small, the clerks and owners will always try to steer you to what is good, because they want you to come back.

So what do you guys think? Do comic books count as reading? Do you read novels as well as comic books? And does it matter, as long as the product is well done?

Sommers in Brussells (a.k.a., The G.I. Joe Movie)

Fri, 24 Aug 2007 14:00:00 EDT

Two pieces of related news on the "eagerly" awaited G.I. Joe movie:

1) The movie will be directed by Stephen Sommers (The Mummy, Van Helsing). This is fine news. Sommers, despite his last two god-awful movies, is a fun, big budget director with a good sense of humor. He loves balancing multiple characters, knows how to have teams work on screen (instead of, say, the X-Men movies, where everybody gets their turn, but don't actually work together at any point). So bully for Sommers.

2) Here's Sommers pitch that sold the studio on hiring him as director/writer:

"G.I. Joe is now a Brussels-based outfit that stands for Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity, an international coed force of operatives who use hi-tech equipment to battle Cobra, an evil organization headed by a double-crossing Scottish arms dealer."

Ummm ... no. That's actually incorrect. Even with my very, very limited knowledge of G.I. Joe, this plot description smacked me right in the face. G.I. Joe is not the "Real Belgian Hero." Cobra is not headed up by Sean Connery's character from "The Avengers." Also, I'm pretty sure G.I. Joe wasn't coed, but I'm not going to get my panties too in a bunch about that.

Clearly, G.I. Joe is being made because of the success of "Transformers." The U.S. military played a huge part in "Transformers," working as an effective fighting force, and I don't think anyone had a problem with it. Additionally, "Transformers" was a pretty straight-forward adaptation of the property, down to including the totally embarassing Autobots (Jazz, I'm looking at you), and the ridiculously named "All-Spark." And yet, the movie was/is a huge success.

So why the F would you bother to change so much about G.I. Joe? It's a stupidly straight-forward concept, and gains nothing if you turn it into the "Street Fighter" movie. In any case, I'm not going to go nuts about this, but I can almost guarantee many, many other people will. Check out the full story over at Variety.

Dorks Make Good: Wired on Penny Arcade

Fri, 24 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT

Uber-popular web-comic Penny Arcade was profiled in the latest issue of Wired, in an article titled: The Dorks Behind Penny Arcade, an Obscure Webcomic Turned Vidgame Empire.

Yes. Obscure. Gotcha. I think unless you're accidentally reading Wired in a dentist's office because the other guy in the waiting area grabbed Highlights, if you're purposefully reading Wired, you probably know of Penny Arcade; so I'm going to assume the title is ironic*. In any case, here's what Wired has to say:

Penny Arcade may be invisible to the vast majority of Americans**, but it has enormous reach and influence among people who care about games*** -- the developers who create them, the publishers who sell them, the retail wage slaves who put them on store shelves, and the gamers who buy them. The dialog is cited like the Talmud in online debates, and the bizarre words it has coined are part of gamers' everyday speech -- like bullshot, a gorgeous screengrab of a game that gives a false impression of its graphics.

Krahulik and Holkins make a comfortable living from the strip, what with 55 million monthly pageviews driving online advertising and merchandising. They have a full-time staff of 10. They oversee a charity that has given $2.2 million worth of toys and games to children's hospitals since 2003. And in late August, their annual convention -- the Penny Arcade Expo -- will attract 30,000 visitors, making it the largest game conference in the US.

You can check out the rest of the article here, and here's the Penny Arcade Web site.

*Though probably not.

**Except Wired readers.

***Like the readers of Wired. I'll stop now.

Heroes in FHM

Fri, 24 Aug 2007 09:55:02 EDT

Hey, is the new season premiering soon? I hadn't heard ...

Masi Oka and Hayden Planetarium talked to FHM (the Brit version, natch, as the U.S. version don't exist any more) about their careers, the show and everything in between, while still finding time to take glamour shots, and pose for the Tim Sale-esque (notice I didn't say "Tim Sale") cover you see to your right.

Check out the full scans over at PopSugar, and in the meantime, here's Masi Oka talking about Hayden:

"She's brilliant. I've hung out with her the most as she lives in New York too. She was born in 1989. My God! I remember 1989 -- I was in high school. And yet I heard she reached number six in your 100 Sexiest poll. What are you guys in the UK? A bunch of perverts or something?"

You tell 'em, Masi.

Step right up and shoot Wolverine

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 21:40:52 EDT

Talking Wolverine #56, bub. Job Opening: Looking for a crazy person to shoot, um, to shoot a lot of, to shoot a lot. The important thing is the pay is really good. Hey, Wendell, I heard you got a new job! Yeah, I shoot a hairy guy in the bottom of a pit. Plus, I get dental! Dude, that is the greatest job in the world! OK, really funny premise. But my main problem with it is it isn't about Wolverine. I kind of like the way it is drawn, and I kind of don't. I did like the reveal at the end. Someone is messing with Wolverine, probably Romulus. That is just going to make him angry!

Starbuck Fix

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 16:00:38 EDT

If you "Galactica" fans out there can't wait until this fall's "Battlestar" TV movie, then check out Dynamite Entertainment's new comic series, "Battlestar Galactica: Year Zero," which focuses on the first two years aboard Galactica and the return of the Cylons.

Even though "Battlestar" is hands down, one of the best shows on TV right now (if not ever), I still have yet to pick up a "BG" comic, but I like the premise of this series, and I always think prequels (if done right) are interesting, because you are able to see your favorite characters' roots, and the characters are so complex aboard Galactica that I'm sure there are plenty of stories to be told. The six-issue series debuted on stands Wednesday, and should keep fans happy until the new season begins in 2008.

Click here for a five-page preview of the series.

JLA=CGI?

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 15:00:00 EDT

Word on the street Thursday has it that the upcoming Justice League of America movie will not, in fact, be a live action movie. Rather, IESB is reporting on what sounds to be fairly reliable rumors that the movie will be a CGI/motion-capture affair. This could make for an interesting movie feel (I've actually always wanted "Kingdom Come" to be done in this manner on screen, so this is probably as close as I'm ever going to get) and would obviously make it easier to pull this movie and "Superman 2" off simultaneously, production-wise.

The production of this movie as a CGI/mo-cap affair also makes a lot more sense, given the choice of George Miller. Basically, even though this is officially a rumor right now, I'd be willing to wager my Jim Shooter signed copies of Harbinger that this is 100 percent true. The casting now makes sense, and the production schedule (and how that will fit into the other D.C. movies' production schedules) make sense.

What do you guys think? Would this project wind up being better off, quality-wise, as a live-action or mo-cap movie?

Two More "Dark Knight" Leaks

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 14:00:00 EDT

Some new set reports regarding "The Dark Knight" Thursday from HollywoodChicago, the most boggling is the prospect of Anthony Michael Hall playing a minor antagonist (meaning not a major villain but someone who doesn't like Batman … kinda sounds like a Peter Parker/Eddie Brock kind of dynamic) in the film.

Hall apparently will be playing the "Reese" character for those of you that have read the recent plot spoilers floating about. I suppose it's not that bad if it is true, Hall is an adequate actor and properly casted could deliver the goods.

The second bit of "Dark Knight" news Thursday also comes from HollywoodChicago in the form of a shot sheet (beware: minor spoilers.) Aside from plot points, the shot sheet also drops two other actor names in the film, Colin McFarlane and Chin Han.

"Heroes" Does a Body Good

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 13:00:52 EDT

And if you thought we were done covering "Heroes" for awhile, think again, m'friends! Now Claire (Hayden Panettiere) and Hiro (Masi Oka) from our favorite mutie TV series are models for the latest "Got Milk?" ad!

Hayden's ad reads: “You don’t have to be a hero to feel invincible. That’s why I drink milk. The protein helps build muscle and some studies suggest teens who choose it tend to be leaner. Cheers to that.” Masi's ad reads: “My hero? Think hard. It’s milk. Some studies suggest teens who choose it instead of sugary drinks tend to be leaner, plus the protein helps build muscle. So grab a glass. Then you can change the future, too.”

I can't wait till "Heroes" fruit snacks hit shelves … oh, God, I just gave NBC another idea! Stop the "Heroes" train before it derails! Well, I know I keep talking about how "Heroes" is becoming overexposed, and I guess Pulp Secret reporting on every news tidbit doesn't really help, but I thought the ads were pretty cool nonetheless.

Oka's ad will debut Sept. 1 in select Marvel Comics.

Late Review: Super-Villain Team-Up

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT

I'm actually completely surprised by this, but Supervillain Team-Up: Modok's 11 is probably one of the best books on the stands right now. Seriously.

To catch you up on the story, M.O.D.O.K. (evil giant floating head) is teaming up with 10 other criminals to rob the most highly guarded time fortress in all of existence. Who does he call upon? Why, top name villains like Armadillo, Rocket Racer, and, um, The Spot. Among others.

So the book is funny, right? Like a laugh a minute? INCORRECT. What makes this book a must-read is that Fred Van Lente has given every character a very personal reason for being there (even M.O.D.O.K.), and treats their personal struggles and motivations with utmost seriousness.

Oh, so the book is super-serious? Like, a really intense crime thriller? ALSO INCORRECT. This book, is very, very deeply funny. But the humor comes out of the situations and character dialogue, not poking fun at the Z-List status of the villains.

And finally, so far, each issue has had actually surprising twists and betrayals. Because they're playing with these lower-tier villains, they can do essentially whatever they want with them … And they do. Where other books will have to pass their plot points through a million departments to check continuity (really, is anything bad going to happen to Spider-Man in any book other than Amazing? Ever?), SVTU is free to do what it wants, when it wants. The first issue had enough twisty turnies for a whole first arc, but the second trumps it. There are surprise betrayals; a shocking death; the return of a classic Marvel character; and we find out who our heroes are, and you'll never see it coming.

The other thing that elevates this series is the art … The whole team is doing a bang-up job, from the slick, McNiven-esque pencils by Francis Portella, to the bright, beautiful colors, to the perfects inks … This book is top notch.

I know it sounds somewhat like I'm hyperbolizing, and maybe I am. But the reason for doing so is that the book has taken it's kind of silly name, it's very silly concept, and is instead delivering a book that is fun, original, poignant and deserves to be read.

The second issue was released last week, so you should still be able to grab it on the stands.

Related: Modok's Blog

A Clare-Mountain of Continuity

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 11:42:24 EDT

First off, that's the worst comic book pun of the day and I challenge anyone to beat that …

Secondly, I've just finished reading X-Men #202 and boy is that title getting continuity crazy: We've got a brand-new team of Marauders causing trouble for the X-Men and the New X-Men as well as a new group of Acolytes under Exodus' lead featuring characters like Random from old-school X-Factor and Tempo from X-Force's old nemesis the Mutant Liberation Front. The story is setting up a lot of dominoes to knock over (not X-Force's Domino but it could happen … bad pun No. 2) and has the potential to tie up a lot of loose ends in the X-Universe.

This storyline also seems be bringing a lot of Chris Claremont's creations to the forefront: The Acolytes, the Destiny Diaries that were the base for his X-Treme X-Men series a few years back, Rogue, Gambit, Mr. Sinister and more. Are we re-examining his X-Men canon in current continuity? How does his body of work stand up these days? When I was growing up, he was hailed as THE guy when it came to the X-Men, but his recent work throughout the entire X-Universe has been a real bummer … right up there with the much-maligned Joe Casey run.

What do you guys think? Have I made my opinions Clare?

-Justin

Today's Most Season 2 Video

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 10:33:48 EDT

Hey, you guys want to see some new footage from Season 2 of "Heroes"? Me too, but you're not going to get it here. What you are going to get is six Heroes hanging out on a green-screen soundstage, with a patented Mohinder brand voice-over. Enjoy …

This Week's "Watchmen" News...

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 18:00:49 EDT

Wizard had a quick chat with Zack Snyder, in which they talked about "Watchmen" going into production in a matter of weeks (what, did you think we would go a week without any "Watchmen" movie news?!). There are some interesting tidbits in the interview, like how Snyder got Dave Gibbons involved and had him draw the concept poster that debuted at San Diego Comic Con. It's interesting how Snyder combines his drawings with the original comic panels for his storyboards for the film, and when asked if any of the actors have suited up yet he said:

"No. I haven't seen anyone in their costumes full blown yet, but I have seen a lot of tests, and it's slowly getting closer and closer. Like I'll see Jackie [Earle Haley, who plays Rorschach] with just a white mask on and a hat and that’s it, and I'm like, "Ahhh, so close!" So it's slowly coming together. It's like they keep adding one more piece here and one more piece there."

We had a post earlier today about "Heroes" overkill, but I can only imagine what it will be like by the time March 2009 rolls around, and the movie is FINALLY released. Will too many details and shots be leaked? Will the trailer be awesome or will it leave fans ... less than satisfied? Only time will tell, and as always, we'll bring you ANY "Watchmen" movie news that comes across our desks.

The PS Chat: Jen Grunwald, Marvel Trades Editor

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 16:00:00 EDT

Periodically, we'll do a more extensive interview with people in the comic book industry. This isn't about spoilers, or getting to the bottom of important issues. This is finding out what makes this tick. You know, really getting into their psyches or whatever.

This time, I'm chatting with Jen Grunwald, an associate editor for Marvel Comics, working primarily in the Trades and Collections Department. She's worked there since 2002, and is a credited editor on several of Marvel's titles, including many of Marvel's recent Official Handbooks. Brian Michael Bendis named a vampire after her in "Ultimate Spider-Man" during summer 2006 (issues 95 and 96), and she was drawn into a back-up story in the "Stan Lee Meets Doctor Strange" one shot.

PS: Hey, so how'd you get into comics anyway? Huh?

JG: I’m daddy’s little girl! My dad’s a huge comic fan, and used to buy me comics as a kid whenever I showed interest; which was mostly Betty & Veronica or Barbie at the time. Then, one Saturday morning, when I was around 11 or 12, I wanted to watch Saved by the Bell, but my dad made me watch the X-Men cartoon. I fell in love with Rogue, and started buying the comic book adaptations of the cartoon, until I realised I could buy OTHER X-Men comics with brand new stories. It kind of went from there, just buying X-Men, and Uncanny X-Men, until the Age of Apocalypse hit and I had to buy ALL the X-titles (the gimmick TOTALLY worked on me)! When I was around 15, I started to go to Jim Hanley’s Universe to get Sailor Moon trading cards, and developed a crush on the guys that worked there, so I went there almost every day. I ended up talking to the customers about comics and whatnot, and at 16, I was hired! From there I just read ANYTHING someone recommended to me and then some.

As for the job... Working at Hanley’s, I met a crapload of comic editors at both Marvel and DC. A friend of mine (erstwhile editor, Andrew Lis) got me an internship at Marvel. He eventually recommended me for an assistant position in Trades, where I have continued to kick ass for the last 5 years!

PS: Since you work in Trades... If you could trade your job with anyone else's, what would it be? Why?

JG: I would love to be an actress - a famous one - because whenever you watch the outtakes and such, it seems like so much fun! Plus, there’s a lot more money. But if you’re just talking about jobs in the comics, I’d LOVE to be Editor-in-Chief of Marvel. Joe has so much fun with his job; also more stress, I’m sure, but I’ll put up with it.

PS: I brought an apple and a peanut butter sandwich for lunch. Trade?

JG: No way.

PS: Working at Marvel, you've met a ton of writers, artists, editors, etc. Take a stand: who's the coolest?

JG: Oh boy, that’s a tough one. Honestly, the single BEST thing about my job is the AMAZING people I’ve met and have the privilege to call my friends. I can’t narrow down to one, but the top of the list for the absolute coolest people (and who I would consider closest friends) in comics would have to be Garth Ennis, Brian Bendis, and Mike Oeming. Seriously awesome people. But, oh there are so many more...

PS: What's some juicy gossip around the Marvel office? You don't have to name names, but feel free to do so.

JG: Come on! You think I’d be able to KEEP such awesome friends if I went around spreading rumours?

PS: I think I know the answer to this question, but the future of comic books: Internet or Print?

JG: Digital comics are the future! But I really don’t want them to be. I hate reading comics on my screen, though I do it when it’s something that hasn’t come out yet - PERK! I just love the feel of a comic in my hand, not to mention how great the old ones smell.

PS: You get control of Dr. Doom's time machine, and can travel to any era of Marvel Comics, including (but not limited to) when they were called Timely Comics. When do you travel? Why?

JG: Well, it’d be cool to meet Jack Kirby, just because of the amazing influence he’s had on the medium. But I’m not really all that into the old stuff. I ABSOLUTELY appreciate them, and understand their impact on where we are today, but I can’t really read them; they just seem so corny. They’re good for a laugh sometimes, especially at the insane sexism. But to be perfectly honest (and incredibly cheesy), I really love where comics are today. I love what Marvel has become in the last few years. I feel like I got here at JUST the right time. Lucky me!

PS: Without editing out the embarrassing junk, what's on your heavy music rotation right now? If it makes you feel any better, I'm listening to a lot of Backstreet Boys…

JG: That’s sad, dude. Well, there’s always a heavy amount of Beck and the Beatles, but right now I’ve been really into Nada Surf, the Kinks, Kaiser Chiefs, I Am Kloot, Travis...but mostly, I just have my 8500 songs on my iPod on random. I like music a lot.

PS: What movie are you most looking forward to (this summer or otherwise)?

JG: Iron Man! (Hey, I’m a company girl, what can I say?)

PS: Our readers have an insane amount of disposable income. Please list the top five Marvel trades they can't live without.

JG: I’m going to cheat a little...

Alias Omnibus
Runaways Vols. 1-3 HC
Daredevil Vols. 1-13
Daredevil: The Devil Inside and Out Vols. 1-2
Punisher MAX Vols. 1-8

PS: Okay, now plug something that hasn't come out yet that'll knock one of the top five off the list!

JG: Nice try! I’m not allowed to you tell what books haven’t come out yet!